“Busy... I’ve had back to back meetings all morning, a long list of 18 week breaches to get in ASAP, there is a delay in outpatients and I need to sort it out now, AND the ward is really short staffed due to sickness AND It’s 3pm and I haven’t had lunch”
“Don’t get me started... My to-do list is never ending. I haven’t had lunch all week, in fact, I can’t remember the last time I had a lunch break....” etc etc...
How many of these conversations have you heard? How many have you been a part of? The relentless re-shuffling of priorities, the crisis management, the to-do list as long as your arm... But doesn’t it make you feel important? Being in demand is so validating; being busy shows that you are doing a good job; never eating lunch shows you are committed. And my favourite: If you have time for twitter you clearly don’t have enough to do.
I have just finished two months working at the King’s Fund, and it has shown me a completely different way of working.
I spent the first week settling in to the new office environment, enjoying delicious lunches every day and going to events and conferences that interested me. The next week, I started some research, but also carried on meeting inspiring and thought-provoking people, going to events and reading any blogs or articles I was curious about. At this point I started seriously questioning whether I was actually doing anything and what the point was of me being there. All I seemed to be doing was chatting to people and reading, and I had produced a list of women’s networks in the UK… hardly a productive two weeks. So I started organising the new West Midlands management trainee induction session. Luckily, this involved lots of emails, a conference call with an agenda and a load of actions for me and others involved. Suddenly, I felt right again. I was back on track producing something! This is what I have been taught is valuable. But what about reflection? When I wasn’t asked to focus on outcomes and performance, I felt lost. I didn’t need to be stressed to prove that I was working hard. This attitude has been conditioned in me from a young age, through a relentless schedule of exams, applications and CVs. I knew taking time to reflect was important in theory, I just didn’t really believe it; because I had been taken in by the myth that output is more important.
Having said this, I hope I contributed something tangible of value to the King’s Fund team. But the main thing I will take away from this placement is the value of reflection. It was a luxury to have two months to step away from my general management role and I know that the reality of the job and the culture means that it is going to be difficult to prioritise reflection. I hope that in the future when I question myself, or others question me, on the value of putting time aside to reflect and forward plan I will remember what I learnt at the King’s Fund. Working on being reflective will lead to a better quality of outcome, help me to understand my personal impact, and to be genuine as a person; an authentic leader rather than a pace-setter. After all, the best part of my job is connecting with others to make a difference to patient care. Thanks to the King’s Fund team for showing me something that will enable me to do this better.
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